I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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