I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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