So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
