New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
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can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
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He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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