Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
