you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
