Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
