Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
