This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
