she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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