so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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