He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
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he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
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went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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