he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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