im drinking this country out of the recession.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
