i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
