meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
