No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
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Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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