Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
