i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
