Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
