My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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