smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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