She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We were destined to go to rehab together
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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