That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
