no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
