I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
