I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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