just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
