i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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