i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
that is very illegal...i love you.
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