no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
