Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
