My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
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The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
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