Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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