you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
