my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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