The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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