I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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