What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
