forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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