I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
