I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
