I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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