I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet