So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.