WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water