RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober