I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone