There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
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I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
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She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency