Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
