I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
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When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
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In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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