She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
