Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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