Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
