So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
