Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
