I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
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