he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
