went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize