i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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