You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
