1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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