he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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