If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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