I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
