When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
