apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Panties = found
Randomize
