Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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